Truth is a slippery customer at the best of times and in a Hotwife relationship it is as slippery as an eager pussy in a room full of oversized erections (and let me tell you, in that situation, the more slippery the better). Some philosophers maintain that there is no such thing as truth, only various perspectives of personal perceptions of truths, and by definition it seems hard to argue with that without some wit shouting, “QED!”.
This week I received an impassioned request for helpful musings from a beautiful follower, whom we shall call Didi. Didi’s husband has very sadly suffered a medical condition that prevented him from fucking her, and so whilst he has given Didi the green light to meet her sexual needs elsewhere, he has deliberately turned a blind eye to who, what, where, when and how. I fact, as Didi put it, they had a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell agreement’. Sounds perfect, I hear you say, whilst another of you mumbles that you wish your partner was so obliging. But here’s the rub: besides fantasizing about threesomes with men she has met online, Didi has done nothing more than enjoy her sense of liberation, as she is worried that she cannot trust anyone to be discrete enough. She has turned to me with the cry of ‘what now?’.
To be clear, by virtue of the notion of perspectives of truth, no one is ever in a position to advise anyone, so this is not advice. However Didi wanted to know my thoughts, so here goes in that less loaded regard…
Didi’s request seems to highlight some of the more nuanced subtleties of the Hotwife lifestyle, it appears to me. Buried deep at the centre of the decision for a Hotwife to spread her legs for other men to fuck her, is a deep complex of feelings. For the Hotwife it is simultaneously liberating and vulnerable. ‘Liberating’ because there is no longer any need to seek furtively to feed the desire for variety and the excitement of the ‘new’: now the high of being taken by a new cock can be made even higher by the brazenly open manner in which you need it and seek it. ‘Vulnerable’ because it is a small step from a husband’s permission to a husband’s resentment. And with that resentment comes the risk of rejection and the happy home that is so important if the Hotwife is to avoid feeling less secure than her Vanilla Sister.
For the Hotwife Husband there is a similar complex of emotions and thoughts. Implicit within the whole lifestyle is the notion that the husband must feel in some respects the opposite of his Hotwife. Where she feared rejection, his sexual high is derived from the very rejection of his cock in preference for another. Where she fears risking the happy home, he longs to see her insatiable lust so rampant that she would risk anything for another man’s cock, including her happy home.
However, whichever version of The Truth they hold, and both are equally valid, one truth seems indivisibly true for both of them: they must communicate. If the husband doesn’t know that his wife is meeting other men, then she is not a Hotwife, she is having an affair. If the wife doesn’t know that her husband’s friends have been encouraged and invited to make a pass at her then she is not a Hotwife, she is being manipulated and deceived. It seems unequivocally clear that to be successfully and sustainably in the Hotwife lifestyle, both husband and wife must A) know and B) communicate.
What then for Didi, my follower whose husband doesn’t want to know, and who is prepared to turn a blind eye to his wife’s straying? Well, her issue is more complicated due to a truncated form of communication, and in fact it is more complicated for anyone that finds themselves in a similar Hotwife-Denial relationship.
Remember, for a Hotwife to be happy she must be free. Free to fuck whomever and whenever she wants. Free to fuck in front of her husband or in private, whichever suits her whim. Free to step out of the lifestyle or to extend her sexdrive to ‘insatiable’, as she wishes. Free to be publicly straying or to enjoy discrete liaisons, at her choice. But Didi is not free. Her husband doesn’t want to know, so Didi must hide, must cover up, must deceive and lie if she is to protect her husband’s sensibilities. Thus she is destined to feel less than happy if this situation continues (clue there as to where my thoughts are heading). She is not a free Hotwife, but a constrained, anxious, cautious Hotwife because her husband’s restriction on communication has raised the stakes of accidental disclosure and the fear of the consequences of discovery.
But consider Didi’s husband for a moment. Through no fault of his own he feels unable to satisfy her. One imagines that his love for her is so great and his desire to remain as her husband so strong that he has agreed to ‘turn a blind eye’ to her satisfying her sexual needs elsewhere. He just can’t bear to know about it. Noble indeed, there is no doubt about that and he deserves everyone’s admiration and Didi’s gratitude.
However he does know. He knows that she is / will be fucking other men. So in fact all that is really happening is that he is pretending she isn’t, he is suspending his disbelief. This brings off-limit topics of conversations into their relationship and forces portions of their formerly open conversation into the shadows. It undermines Didi’s happiness, rather than liberating her happiness. And, very sadly, if Mr Didi is honest, it doesn’t bring him happiness either, just unspoken resentment eventually at what he suspects may be happening out of sight.
The problem is that he is sharing his wife with a caveat of guilt that she must feel as a transactional fee for being allowed to stray. It seems to me however that a central tenet of the Hotwife Lifestyle must be the veneration of the Hotwife. She must not be restricted, nor must she be controlled whether passively or actively. There are plenty of other kinks through which one can explore those dynamics, whether D/s, Bimbos, Slutwives, etc. But if our lifestyle is about anything, it is that the Hotwife is heralded as the pinnacle of liberated, sexually powerful, feminine and unapologetically, unguiltily promiscuous women.
Didi deserves this and her husband, who has done so well in getting this far, must go further still and set her free. Free to be a Hotwife. Free to be his loving, devoted and ‘faithful’ Hotwife, for life. I wish them all the love possible in their journey together xxx