Look at my breasts. I love knowing you jerk off looking at me. I love knowing you imagine how big and juicy they would feel in your hands. I love imagining you feeling them too.
I have always felt like this. My husband has liberated me from the cautious, untruthful, former state of denial that I had in my previous relationships in which I pretended that one man was enough for me, (until I had affairs with other men and ‘ended it’). Now I have sex with other people in short term relationships (not too short obvs ;-) ) without having to jeopardize my long term relationship with my husband. It is much more true to the attention seeking, cock hungry woman that I am, and it is why I am happy to call myself a Hotwife.
More importantly, I am happy to think of myself as a Hotwife. It is like a coming out party: I feel exhilarated to be publicly true to myself at last. No more lies, furtive rendezvous or deceits. I am who I am, as the saying goes, and proud of my lifestyle.
Of course, nothing has really changed. I am still the woman I always was, with one important exception: I am now honest about it. So, in that regard, everything has changed. I am not only honest with other people, principally my husband, but I am also honest about it with myself. And being honest with yourself is the hardest truth to accept.
I always knew I longed for bigger, especially thicker cocks than my boyfriends’ or husband’s. I always knew that I enjoyed lots of male attention. Everyone knew that about me. I always knew that I regretted not making more of the opportunities that life presented me to fuck other men whilst I was in a relationship. Especially that beautiful, black salsa dancer, why oh why didn’t I make more of the big hard cock he was grinding up against me? I would now! (I am on the search for another black salsa dancer to make up for that lost opportunity - is that you?! Get in touch!)
But, despite knowing I felt like that, I never truly admitted it to myself. I knew I wanted it, but kept denying that it was more than a passing fancy, a wishful fantasy but not what I really wanted. So, my pussy knew my desires more than my mind. Why?
Fear. It was fear that made me disconnect what my pussy knew from what my mind would accept. Fear of loss of stability in my life. Fear of disapproval: my husband’s my friends, my family. Fear of looking and being spoken about like a slut. But I knew I wanted it. I wanted it so much, but daren’t take that step. So my mind convinced my pussy it was all just an unachievable fantasy.
I have detailed how my husband supported me through this self discovery in my popular post, ‘Seduce me: I want this’. However here I want to explore the fearful reluctance I felt. I have called it a journey of self discovery, but really it wasn’t that - I already knew I wanted other men to fuck me, so there was nothing to discover there. It was more like self acceptance, owning my desires and learning to confidently embrace them. So why was I reluctant to do this, if I knew it to be true and why did I let fear prevent me?
It is something to do with owning the truth. Once you have confessed out loud that this is what you believe, that this is how you will (not just ‘want’) to behave, then it becomes who you are. It almost seems to rob you of the choice to be someone else. So sometimes I want to be a bukkake slut, other times I want a gentle solitary lover. Sometimes I want to be shared between a man and his wife (who am I kidding, I always want this!), other times I want to be taken by two men. Some times I want my husband there, other times I want to send him away. Sometimes I want to be faithful, sometimes I want to be promiscuous. I am a woman of many and varied desires and I do not want to be boxed in to one way of being or one way of being perceived and understood.
Yet, when it came to confessing or announcing my inner desires, I felt that I would make everyone, myself included, see me in just one way: as a Hotwife, period. I felt that accepting and announcing my desires for other men would mean that I could never retreat from that level of self proclaimed, heightened desire. I felt that ‘insatiable’ would be an expectation, not a choice. And I always want choice. After all, that is the key reason to be a hotwife, to have choice, isn’t it?
So, how can a woman finally develop the courage to come out as a hotwife? Here are my three ‘easy’ (they are not rocket science, no, they are much more difficult than that) steps to becoming the you that you really are:
1. Owning who you are is crucial to your sense of happiness. Accept it in your heart: you are a hotwife;
2. Be honest with your self and husband about your fears. Let him think them through one by one with you and reassure you, genuinely (ie not when he has a massive erection);
3. Work hard as a couple to remember and remind one another that because you have decided to ‘come out’ as hotwife lifestylers, that does not mean that you can’t be every shade of what that might mean, from simple married coupledom, to full on slutfest.
I am a hotwife. I love fucking my husband. And I love fucking other men. And my husband supports me in that, even though the choice is mine. There I said it, and so can you. After all, as the French (nearly) say, deja you: it is already you.