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Grow your Own Hotwife: Will she give a fuck?

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So many of my male followers tell me how envious they are of my husband (quite right too) and ask me constantly what advice I can give them to persuade their wives to ‘take the leap’ and become a Hotwife.  Some offer their own summaries of what they think has persuaded me, and they are almost always wrong. So I thought I would try to spare their poor wives from their husband’s misguided fumbling and tell them what they need to do if they are to grow their own hotwife. 

Look at me. I am a very sexual, horny woman. I love having lots of attention and I enjoy knowing that I turn men on. Lots of women feel like that. Maybe your wife does. But that doesn’t make her a hotwife does it? You really want her to become one, but she isn’t so keen. There could be lots of reasons for that of course. 

Maybe she is happy with your (*delete as appropriate) cock size* / marriage* / stamina* / attentiveness* / charm* / performance* / looks* / wit* / intelligence* / kinks* / lifestyle* / six pack* / humour*.

Or maybe not. Maybe she is unhappy with your (*delete as appropriate via guesswork as you probably don’t really know) cock size* / marriage* / stamina* / attentiveness* / charm* / performance* / looks* / wit* / intelligence* / kinks* / lifestyle* / six pack* / humour* (oh look, it’s the same list - but add on whining* / nagging* / begging* / pleading* / sulking* / despondency* etc every time you bring up the subject of her becoming a hotwife). 

I get lots of messages and emails from men and women that are already balls deep in the hotwife lifestyle. They write to me because they like the way that I think through the philosophy and headgame of being a hotwife, rather than because they want guidance. They already have all the experiences they can handle, of sharing and being shared every week with lots of familiar and new partners, feeling the thrill of lots of new long, thick cocks, and lots of strangers’ cum in their married pussies.

Makes you jealous huh? I mean, it’s one thing trying to persuade your reluctant wife to become a hotwife and her refusing, but at least you think that not many people are really getting that experience. But it is quite another when you realize that there are thousands or even millions of couples who are having exactly that experience, isn’t it? Because you are not, and your wife doesn’t seem to give a fuck. Or at least not to other men (see what I did there?). 

So how exactly can you grow your own hotwife? I have written about how my husband encouraged me (Seduce me, I want this), and also about what it feels like to be the husband of a keen hotwife (Promiscuous by Proxy). But this is different, you are desperately keen (with the emphasis on desperate) but she is just saying ‘no’ and doesn’t seem to give a fuck how you feel about it.


Well, that is where you are wrong. She does give a fuck how you feel about it, just not in the way you expect. Let’s understand what is going on here. We are not talking about wives that feel hemmed in by monogamy, who feel an immense sense of relief when their husband finally reveals that he would be turned on by her fucking other men. They are very rare, and your wife is almost certainly not one of them. 

Nor are we talking about wives that are bored with you and have been having affairs, with all the pain in the arse (or pain in the American ass) that having to cover up an affair demands. They are very common and your wife might well be one of those, but that doesn’t remotely mean that she wants to be a hotwife, it just means she wants you to be a less boring husband and better at fucking and she has found someone else who is more interesting and better in bed. 

No, we are talking about the kind of wife that is happy with things the way they are, that doesn’t want your relationship to change. She gives a fuck, but the fuck she gives is about the status quo, because she wishes you would stop going on and on about sharing her. 

But why does she think like this? Because no little girl grew up wishing that she wouldn’t be enough for someone. She grew up thinking that the man of her dreams would defend her honour to the last, be the knight in shining armour, be ferociously territorial about her and dispense with anyone who tried to steal her away from him. She also grew up wanting that knight to be completely smitten with her, just as she is. But instead you, the man of her reality, are happy for her ‘honour’ to be known by many men, to be actively discouraging any sense of territorial safety or claim and to be encouraging men to come in a claim her in the most intimate way as their own. Furthermore, when she objects and is reluctant to give into this total distortion of what she wanted from life, you nag, cajole and complain incessantly that she simply isn’t satisfying you ‘just as she is’ and that you really want her to be ‘just like that girl in the blog’. She doesn’t appear to give a fuck about your wishes because you don’t seem to give a fuck about her dreams, wishes and feelings. If this status quo remains, she will NEVER become your hotwife and you will never join the ranks of men that are enjoying watching other people fuck their wife, like so many do every week. 

So is having your own hotwife an impossibility? No, but you will need to grow your own. Your own what though? Hotwife for sure. But before that: Heart and mind. So here for the hard of reflecting, is my short guide:


A Simple Guide for Horny Men on How to Grow your own Hotwife:

Your wife will never become a hotwife unless she wants to, and she has a lifetime of dreams and aspirations that were anything but being shared by her husband. If you want her to change that mindset then you must change those dreams. So let’s start again with what approach you must take.  

  1. Sowing your hotwife seed

Sit down with her and explain what it is that you love about her and what gets you so excited about her (not her and other people, just her). Believe it and let it show in your day to day behaviour.

Sit down with yourself and decide whether she is ‘enough’. If she is tell her. And mean it. Stop going on and on about sharing her. Let it go.

Sit down with her and tell her that you are afraid that if you don’t mention it any more she will think you don’t desire to share her. Remind her that you really do, but that you are prepared to go without that forever, if she doesn’t want it. Without sulking.

     2.    Feeding her flower

Don’t sulk, and don’t punish her for not fulfilling your fantasy.

Don’t mislead each other. Learn to develop a ‘Language of Lust’ (see my earlier post) where you and she can talk about real sexual desires, rather than fantasies (because false promises will only frustrate you and will encourage her to think that fantasy talk is ‘sufficient’ - all that you want, which it isn’t).

Know her desires. KNOW - don’t guess or project your hopes of what they might be. fulfill them and let her know you enjoy doing that. DON’T expect reciprocation: fulfill her fantasies because she deserves that.

Lead by example in creating a culture of putting the other one first (see my post He Puts Me First, I Fuck Him Second).

     3.    Enjoy her bloom

Don’t change any of the new behaviors you have learnt just because she has become open to being a hotwife. Remember what it took to make her feel comfortable and valued and keep doing that every day.

Worship her.

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